if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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