I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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