Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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