whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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