why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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