break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
