We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
