Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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