THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
