If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
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