So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
