I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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