sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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