I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
