And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
