enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
