who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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