I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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