No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
