Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
