Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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