this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
