What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
