I didn't shave. On purpose
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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