You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This baby is an asshole
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
