And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
