before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I fill condoms, not promises.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
