I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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