it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
