so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
