I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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