How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
