those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize