i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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