Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
