I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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