I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
