he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.