Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
