I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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