I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
then he tried to convert me to islam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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