well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
