he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
