I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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