Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
