you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
