i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
