I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
