He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
