I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
