BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
