i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
