you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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