May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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