For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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