...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
