Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
