On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
