No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
