yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
