I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
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he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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