dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can't turn off my feet"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
