I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
