It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the day after is always just damage control
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize