I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
