I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
