the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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