I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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