Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
