After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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