So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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