u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i believe in u and ur pee
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
