Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
